Wondering how you can get rid of your comfort zone?
Simply put, your comfort zone is your safe space. It is a psychological state of familiarity – space where your behavior, your daily activities, all follow a routine. In other words, you are in an anxiety-neutral state. There is no stress nor any risk and you are benefitting from their absence and regular happiness. Everything is following a steady pattern and you are least vulnerable.
Everything is quite predictable and you are enjoying the dearth of uncertainty or scarcity. It makes you feel like you have control and you do not want to step out of your comfort zone, because that will make you anxious.
1. The First Tip to Get Rid of Your Comfort Zone – Making this Work
One of people´s common flaws is getting into a position of supreme comfort. If you feel like this is something that is holding you back, then you need to start working on fixing this as soon as you can.
There is nothing wrong in being in your comfort zone, except that, it kills your creativity. After all, Ships are not meant to stay in the harbor. You are really limiting your personal growth, opportunities that could have come across and life experiences. So, in order to get out of your cocoon, you need to take the first step – even a small one will do. Try to do something out of your daily routine.
Since you have been comfortable so far, it might look difficult. But that shouldn’t scare you back into your shell. Everything is difficult before it is easy. Give it a shot – put yourself in a new environment, do something you never did before – like trying a new restaurant, a new dish or taking a new route home.
When it comes to making a choice try to pick the one which you never did, instead of the one you always do. If you are having difficulty making a choice –flip a coin. It doesn’t have to be a major decision, just something with a little departure from the regular. To make it fun, you could travel to another place all by yourself – better yet, find some volunteering work, anything out of the ordinary.
You will become a lot less fearful of change. When we get out of that comfort zone we become much more likely to deal with change when something does not go the way that we have planned initially. This is very useful for helping you at speed up your improvement towards your goals.
At the end of your comfort zone, when you have finally broken that cocoon, you will come out a better person, more creative, more resilient. You now have the capacity to perform better and you will feel motivated as you have set a new bar for yourself. It gives you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
2. Stop Wishing & Start Doing
The best way to increase your productivity is to start taking action when previously you only considered thinking about the mere possibility of doing so. It’s a challenge to move from being merely a thinker to being a doer.
You just need to take the leap of faith and let go; if you can’t, have someone else make the decision for you. But, do make a firm plan to do so. Tell yourself that you are moving from boredom to excitement. Bring yourself home to what lies outside your comfort zone and take the plunge.
How to Make this Work?
Making this work is pretty easy – you only need to look at the amount of plans you come up with but never act on. Simply take one day per week – this is your new ‘doing’ day, and work on this as time goes on. On this day, you will take on one of these new hobbies or skills and work on it. No excuses made.
Many of us start with one day but get so excited by our new pro-active selves that we make it more regular. If you want to try and become the best version of yourself then you must at least change your “old” frame of mind gradually. Do not take too much initially but make sure that at least once a day you act on something you would have not in the past.
If you want to get out of your comfort zone, you need to chalk out a plan. Set a goal – make an algorithm on how you plan to achieve it, attach the actionable items required for each step in the algorithm and also attach a timeline to it. Stick to the plan, and slowly complete each step in the algorithm within the stipulated timeline. If you are finding it difficult to act upon it, have a friend monitor you. You can also add a reward at the end of the timeline or create a mission statement at the beginning as to why you are doing it which will make keep you from backing out.
You will start taking action more often as time goes on. It’s a very helpful skill, but don’t expect results to be fast. If you are a thinker rather than a doer, then it can be hard to change this mentality. Take it one day at a time and you’ll notice gradual but impressive changes on productivity and most importantly self-esteem.
Your new-found self-esteem will propel you to take on more challenges and as the saying goes – winning becomes a habit, you are more likely to do it again. Mentally – you will be sharper with more curiosity, imagination and a drive, and the sense of accomplishment as you explore new horizons, also helps you age better.
Learning to be Patient
3. Do Not Forget to Practice
Patience indeed is a virtue because life is all about living in the present moment. Of course, planning for the future is important, but you need to do that carefully and with a lot of thought. Jumping into decisions can get you into trouble. Being patient can help you make better decisions and shape your talents into achievements.
Making this Work
If you want to learn about the power of patience, and develop grit through it, you need to take on challenging tasks. Start taking on fun tasks first, like trying to solve a puzzle or a Rubik cube.
As time goes on, take on more challenging tasks that become slowly but surely more related with what you want to achieve in life.
For example, if you want to run your own business, then start learning about how to build your own website or how to run a blog related to it. Learning to be patient is something that is fostered not only in activities related to achieving your final goals, but anywhere.
Taking the time to develop this skill will also show you that you have the ability as well as the mental fortitude to see it through.
Yes, being patient is not easy, but it is not impossible either. If you think you are impatient, try to figure out why is it that you are in such a hurry. If you are on a chaotic schedule, try to spread out your tasks and do only one thing at a time. One good way to develop patience is to delegate your responsibilities to someone else and try not to tick. You can also try maintaining a journal about your bouts of impatience. It helps you be aware of your impatience, objectify it and have better control.
4. Deep Breathing and Being Patient Helps
Next time you feel impatient, try to do some deep breathing and tell yourself that things take time. If you can’t control the situation, now this might be a little difficult, but learn to let go. Remind yourself that you will eventually get what you want – all you need to wait is for the time to be ripe.
Learning to be patient allows you to avoid getting frustrated when things don’t go to plan. This is why trying tasks that are taxing on our minds for sustained periods of time is important, more than the expected result itself.
You will achieve a mindset that understands not everything works out exactly as it was supposed to at the first attempt. Just because you said you would have X project completed in Y time does not mean that it’s going to 100% happen that way.
By challenging yourself with new skills and tasks, you’ll appreciate this quicker.
Breaking the Rules
A good way to start building up some grit, too, is breaking some rules. This can be in any walk of life – breaking the rules and showing that it does not have life-ending consequences can be a very gratifying feeling. It also allows you to see that even if breaking the rules got you in some form of negative trouble or consequence; it wasn’t the end of you.
This allows you to build up that key personal strength to handle negative situations when they unfold. It’s a powerful skill and one that you’ll use to your advantage far more than you have it used against you.
5. Think out of the Box
Making this Work
Simply don’t let the rules dictate the way that you think. So long as you aren’t literally breaking the law, a few violated codes aren’t going to be the end of the world. Its’ also very useful for building character as you can quickly start to see the issues in the way that you act when you take this approach to your problems.
Making this work is made much easier if you simply look at rules as obstacles that test your mental limits.
The world is constantly changing – what held good yesterday, may not be as good for today. So, if you have to achieve something and there’s a rule tying you down, you may need to cross line here. In order to break a rule, you need to know it in and out first so that you can find a loophole.
Anyone can break a rule in a haphazard manner, but doing it methodically is what makes sense. There must be a purpose to break the rule. It must help you achieve something – only then can the act be liberating. If you think you have an unconventional idea which will get better results than the following the protocol would have, a breach is totally worth it. There are other people who have been knocked down by the rule, use their experience to give you ideas on how you can break it successfully and for the better.
The rewards are quite simple – you will feel liberated. You’ll start noticing that breaking the rules is sometimes a necessity and that, crucially, you can handle the consequences. A lack of grit can have us fearful of failure, preventing us from going against convention.
The downside is that thinking like this usually stunts our intellectual development. It stops you from taking risks and thus we stay grounded in our reality.
Do not live for Goals, Enjoy the Struggle!
One of the most useful pieces of advice that help building up grit is to stop living a goal-orientated life. Many of us live our lives based on goals, but when we don’t meet them we treat it like a great catastrophe, as if it was the end of the world.
Obviously, the world would have ended if it not achieving the goal was supposed to bring it to an end. But, it didn’t. So, don’t beat yourself up about it, this is probably the way it was supposed to be. Think of it this way – this experience will tell you what you can do next time and what you shouldn’t do, in other words, you will be better prepared for the next opportunity.
Making this Work
In order to strengthen your character and develop a gritty attitude, you need to get rid of the idea of living for goals and goals alone. Your life is much more diverse than the arbitrary success or failure of specific goals. What about the journey to reach those goals? The knowledge you accumulate on the path to success is just as important as the path that took you to failure.
The best advice you can take is to enjoy the challenge of not meeting goals. Instead of making you feel melancholic due to failure, use it as energy to drive you towards success and changing your approach.
First off, let’s not call this a failure, it’s just a setback. It could have happened to anyone. Remind yourself that just because you couldn’t achieve this one goal, doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve the next one. Look at it as a feedback or a learning session which will help you do better the next time around. Most important is that you understand that whenever someone has tried to do something of value, he was first greeted by failure.
6. Know it will Take Time
Great things take time to happen – so don’t make it personal. Put your feelings of anger and frustration aside and look at the situation analytically instead of obsessing over it. Don’t get influenced thinking that someone is going to judge you or think less of you. Do not let someone else undermine your ability and ruin your confidence. If it helps, check with people who have a success story and ask them how they got there. They too will have a few goals they missed. Change your perspective, accept the setback and move on.
You will start feeling less and less the usual trauma that many people feel when they do not reach their objectives at the first attempt. Let that developing it rather than removing it. Nothing makes a bigger change to your mindset that accepting that struggle shapes your personality more than success.
Persistence in Routines
Unsure about how to best make your stance noticed and heard? Then it helps practicing. Practice as we all know very much makes perfect and when you use it to your advantage; you will find yourself far closer to finding a solution than you were without it!
Making this Work
In order to build the required mindset to become persistent naturally, you will need to draw a solid routine to act upon. Being used to follow a pattern of action is extremely useful, as it sets your mind towards being ready for action continuously, without giving it much thought. This does not substitute critical thinking, but prevents us from getting stuck and not taking action.
In order to develop persistence, first, identify what it is that you desire and outline your final goal. Be very specific about your goal and break it down to smaller pieces which are easier to accomplish. Move one step at a time. There is a good chance that sometimes it may seem difficult and that may deter you from moving forward, so try to find factors that will keep you motivated or try to may it a fun activity.
7. Invite Some Friends Over
You may also want to invite some friends – those with a positive attitude so that they can help you stick to your goals. Keep score of your progress and take necessary breaks, set a reward if necessary. But, don’t give up. Even if you fail at one step, try not to quit. Instead, examine the reasons for the failure and do better again, imagine the rewards of achieving the final goal and keep going.
You will become far more confident in your own ability to handle tough situations. You will have developed an “action” approach which will empower you to act fast.
I insist, following routines does not disable critical thinking or creativity, but should be used as a tool to grow an attitude that will empower us towards tackling issues that take time to resolve without being overwhelmed by the work ahead.
This vital learning can go a long way at restoring your confidence and belief in your own skills and techniques.
Taking the time to understand this and making the most of your persistence will lead you to become less likely of enduring a crisis of confidence.
8. Stop Sabotaging yourself
One of the biggest flaws and obstacles when dealing with a crisis of confidence is self-sabotage. Many of us carry out our own worst nightmares simply through a lack of belief in the skills we possess or the likelihood that we are going to succeed when trying.
To stop sabotaging yourself, you need to understand that you are the cause of the problems and that this needs worked upon. Don’t worry, you are not the first person and you will not be the last to be stuck in this precarious position.
Making this Work
To make this mindset work, it takes refinement in the way you think. Self-sabotage usually comes from the idea that we always cause our own problems or that we put ourselves in precarious situations due to a lack of talent.
To avoid self-sabotage, you need to also get to grips with the idea of self-confidence. Nobody is going to be a success in life if they spend all of their time doubting the abilities they possess. Instead, you need to slowly but surely look into the problems you face.
The first step in breaking the cycle of this self-sabotaging behavior is to make a list of your negative thoughts. Whenever you have a negative thought, write it down. Now that you are aware of what your negative thoughts are look at the rationale behind them. Find out why you engage in such behavior – is it because of a previous failure, is it because you have not had someone encourage you – why is it that you are so critical of yourself. Try to develop a self-supportive behavior from that. Try to build your confidence.
Try to set smaller goals and achieve them in order to build your confidence and disengage from self-sabotaging. Set a goal about something which you really want to achieve. Think about what you would do to achieve it in an ideal situation and let fear not hold you back. Ignore the critical voice inside you and move ahead.
This will help you be more realistic and compassionate towards yourself. Once you have achieved one small goal, you will know how wonderful it is to achieve it and how uncalled for it was to not try to do it all this while. You will have more self-esteem and be more resilient emotionally. You will have a new-found love for life and most importantly yourself and will be able to break free from the mundane life you have built for yourself. You will be able to better cope with any anxiety that arises. Simply put, now that there is no more you stopping yourself, you will be on your path to success.
9. Develop Mental Resilience
Mental resilience is all about staying put in the face of adversity. It is the strength to keep your focus to a strong will to keep moving forward no matter what difficulty comes across you. It is important that you develop this quality so that you don’t get knocked down when things go tough, because some or the other time – they will and that’s a sure thing. You need to build your mental resilience so that you can push yourself to not give up during such times.
Making this Work
The easiest way to develop mental resilience is looking at how you see a solution unfolding. When something goes wrong, who do you blame?
If you always blame yourself even when you are not at fault, then you are not mentally strong. You lack of the belief and conviction required to allow serious changes happen. However, the opposite can also be true. If you never blame yourself, then you live in an excuse culture that is detrimental to developing that mental resilience that you want to have.
You must be able to look at the outcomes purely as they are. You must be y our own judge. Resilience is not only enduring the conviction that you have done something wrong, but being able to identify day in and day out what can be improved and what you did right without excuses.
The most essential part of mental resilience is being able to tackle every problem with a fresh mind, not letting the past outcomes – whether positive or negative – to affect your judgment.
In order to develop mental resilience, you need to start by managing your expectations. Things aren’t always going to be rosy, you will run into surprises and won’t always have control. What is important is that you learn to take a roll when life takes a swing at you. Instead of getting emotional about it, try to find a solution. See, if the outcome you were hoping for is realistic. Get out of your comfort zone and face the problem by critically analyzing it using your own instincts. Remember that when you get out of this situation you will be a better person.
Pressure is good, coal would never have become a diamond, if it wasn’t for pressure. If you want to develop resilience, face the situation instead of turning around and running. Find a source of motivation if you feel like running away from the situation.
The lack of resilience stems from discomfort and your fear of the situation. When you cut this stem, it may be uncomfortable for a while, but the end result is going to be good and that will give you a lot of confidence. You will have better control of your emotions, and come out a stronger person. You will have much more willpower. Resilience is more important than talent or intelligence. Once you have developed that, you have the master key to almost everything in life. You will have better relationships at work and in your personal life and will be a healthier person.
10. Never Stop Pushing Yourself
You may have heard the old tale about curiosity, and how it killed the cat. Well, his cousin –complacency- was in the same situation – and he’s dead, too!
When you stop pushing yourself, you stop changing and challenging your mindset. When problems occur, you either believe you’re a failure or others let you down.
This is not healthy, regardless.
Making this Work
To make sure that you can keep building grit and resilience, you need new challenges. When you become complacent and comfortable, the minute something goes wrong it feels seismic. Having a simple lifestyle means having little pressure, improvement or change. This also means watching a pretty gradual fall in your mentality as you slip back into expecting rather than working for things.
The minute it does not go your way, though, is the minute you lose the grip on a situation and watch it fall away immediately.
To avoid this problem, then, you need to be prepared to keep pushing yourself. Look at taking on the next level of your education course, help out at a local youth or community center, offer a donation to a local facility or try and learn a new skill entirely. This helps you to avoid stagnating because when we stop being challenged our ability to handle rejection and change becomes that little bit weaker.
The first thing to remember when you are about to give up is that, it’s only you who is standing in the way of your success. If you just pushed yourself a little, you could achieve the goal. Remember, if you don’t push yourself and remove yourself from being unproductive and hindering your progress, no one else will. Try to explore what options you have that will get you out of the situation.
Check with your friends or your support group to see which one is the best way forward. Stop dwelling on the negative thoughts and focus on what lies ahead. Learning how to control your thoughts is necessary to give you the push you need. Set a goal, and break it down into smaller goals. Try to achieve one at a time. The satisfaction of achieving the first step itself will give you the motivation and push to move to the next one, eventually helping you achieve your final goal.
When you push yourself, not only do you achieve your goals, but you also become a mentally stronger person. You will have more confidence and control. You will see that you are stronger than you thought you were, feel motivated and will be able to do a little more every time.
11. Overcoming Obstacles
The art of a person with true grit is being able to see that overcoming obstacles means accepting failure will be a part of the path. Success rarely comes without at least some failure, but you will need grit to get back on when failing.
Making this Work
To make this work, the most effective solution that you can put to the test is creating checklists.
Taking a methodical rather than emotional approach to problem solving, though, will give you the confidence that you need to keep making the progress that you had always wanted to.
The first step in overcoming an obstacle is to know what exactly is your obstacle – what is holding you back. For all you know, it could just be you. Try to see if you have come across this obstacle before or have seen someone else go through with it. The obstacle may be beyond your control, but there are several other things you can still control. Try to eliminate any mental stoppers.
Like always, break it down into smaller steps and try to find a creative solution to overcome it – maybe get some help from someone who has been in a similar situation. Create a plan to overcome it and write it down. Make post-its of the steps involved in the plan and monitor your progress. Seek advice whenever you need to and break your own bad habits that stand in the way. Visualize the goal and keep yourself motivated.
The main change you should notice upon making simple lists to overcome each challenge is that you will come up with new ideas to try out. Ultimately these ideas may be applied not only for the project you are currently working on, but on future endeavors.
So do not worry if your list does not work out as you intended – you might have not yet found the solution through it – but trial and error is all part of building up resilience.
People very rarely get things right at the first attempt. Struggling to get something right is not something you should be worried. It just means preparing to overcome with a methodical list of things you can rule in or out as solutions.
Also this will help you to brainstorm and avoid getting ever stuck in one particular step or idea.
12. Believing in Partnership
One of the most empowering things to learn in life is to believe in the power of partnership. However, very few people truly experience the full extent of this powerful skill.
For one thing, two is always better than one. And moreover, it is difficult for one person to stay motivated all the time. Even when you go for a drive, you always alternate with your partner, because driving all by yourself can be tiring. Being in a partnership will give you the necessary support and cushion when you need it.
Making this Work
Don’t view a partnership as a chance for someone to push you aside or to marginalize your skills. Use it as a springboard to get to where you wanted to be without the usual stress, strain and challenge that working on your own can bring – having more ideas to work through is a massive positive.
To create a good partnership, identify a potential partner – one who has the same goals as you, one who is equally driven and thinks can work in sync with you. Make a plan about the goal you want to achieve and delegate responsibilities according to your individual strengths. For each responsibility take full ownership but also create a backup for the worst case scenario. Identify what is needed for you and your partner to work together. Set the ground rules on how you are going to operate, before you get started and see to it that you both have a proper understanding about the flowchart of operations and the end goals. Even though you have your own responsibilities, try to help out each other and track overall progress. Run each idea past your partner and brainstorm together to get come up with the best possible solution to achieve your goals. Most of all, treat each other with respect.
Working in partnerships makes you more productive and helps you perform better. You can accelerate your growth and move towards achieving your goal. It helps you develop more social and interpersonal skills. You learn how to communicate in a better manner and develop a balanced approach. It also takes a lot of stress off you, as you have a support and helps you take better decisions and be more confident about the same. You will get exposure to new ideas and develop a better perspective. Working with a partner gives you a better sense of fulfillment and makes you feel better about achievements.
13. Learning Constantly
The day that we stop striving for personal growth is the day we plant the seed to stop seeing success in life. To stop learning is to admit that either you think you know it all – only those with near-unlimited confidence think like this – or that you do not have the capacity to learn anymore.
Making this Work
To make sure you never stop learning, make a list of 2 topics you would like to learn, and make the test of how much new knowledge you can accumulate in one single week. This means that if you get too invested in one topic and burn yourself out from learning about it, you can switch to the other.
One way to keep learning is to surround yourself with smart people. If there is someone out there who is smarter than you, you will have a constant source of learning. But first, you also need to develop and attitude for learning. There must be something that you are not the best at. Figure out what that is, and see who can teach you that skill or subject. When you are learning from someone, have the attitude and humbleness of a student no matter how successful you are in life.
Review yourself every once in a while and figure out what you need to learn and why you need to learn it. Clarify your goals and track your progress. Leverage the skills and knowledge of the people around you and nurture supporting relationships built on respect. Keep yourself motivated by establishing a learning routine and emphasizing to yourself why it is important.
The end result is a greater sense of independence and self-perceived intellectual freedom. But most importantly you will be more used to learning and will likely appreciate the challenge rather than seeing learning as a punishment.
A constant attitude of learning helps you perform better each and every time. It helps you get out of your comfort zone and open up your mind and broadens your perspective. It also helps you improve relationships and makes you feel good with new people to support you and with the newly acquired knowledge that boosts your confidence.
In order to develop the hardened personality you have been always longing for, you need to understand the natural challenges that exist when it comes to giving ourselves restraint. If you struggle to hold back then it means you are not as strong emotionally and mentally as you could be, so change is needed.
Making this Work
The easiest way to make this work and get rid of your comfort zone is quite simple. Start paying attention to how you looked at situations, and why I you react in certain ways. If you want to bring about change, start looking at things “from the outside” instead of sticking with your personal opinions and feelings.
Instead of being self-absorbed and always seeing every response filtered through your ego, it is wise to accept that constructive criticism is a necessary evil. Before long, you will be able to hold mature discussions about your own output. This way, eventually, your own views will be critical enough, needing second opinions less necessary than before.
Start by getting a reality check and recognizing your impulsive thoughts. Once you recognize try to exercise control by resisting temptation. If it is important that you do it, place time bound restrictions on it. Try deep breathing and see if there is another way of doing it – something other than your first instinct.
If you find yourself fixated on the thought, try to find a healthy distraction. For the long-run, make a list of habits and behaviors that you want to put a check on. Try researching similar behaviors and see what other people do to keep it under control. Keep a journal to see what are the emotional triggers that you have.
Remember, you are not going to change overnight and try not to get frustrated about it. Channel your energy into positive behaviors, you may also try to exercise or develop a new hobby or use a support system, to keep yourself from being impulsive.
After working hard on your self-control, you will be able to be involved in tough discussions. If you are running a business is especially useful. It also will lead to not only trusting yourself, but other´s opinions.
This will also empower you to see in a much more positive way any difficulties that may arise in your daily life. Putting yourself in the shoes of someone else can do that for you. You will be able to do this because by then you will be able to see problems in a less emotional manner, not depending on the filter of your own ego when it comes to assessing situations and emotions.
15. Become Productive
Productivity is, without a doubt, the most powerful weapon that we possess to bring about genuine and tangible impact. However, becoming more productive usually means accepting a few home truths about the way that we work and how we live our lives, and accepting that change is vital.
Making this Work
To make this work and get rid of your comfort zone, simply make sure that no day is complete without at least 30 minutes working on a project of your choosing. Taking the time to work on various projects even at the pace of half an hour a day will make generate a massive boost in confidence that you can finish work and realize your ideas.
Not only work on your projects, but create a timeline or draft depicting how things are moving forward. Also make note of every issue or difficulty you suffered and how you tried to resolve it and hopefully achieved in doing so. This will encourage you to carry on achieving and working. It will allow you to be confused less often than you used to, and focus will rule in your working life.
Before long, you will stop seeing time not working as ‘free’ time and instead started seeing every minute of the day as the chance to do something beneficial for you, your family and potentially your business.
If you need to boost your productivity, you need to have a calendar with a timetable in place. Before you start your day, list out all the actionable items for the day and draw timelines around each task. You do not have to be super stringent about your timetable – make sure you add enough breaks, no one can go on continuously.
Track the time you are spending on each task and try to limit wasting time. One very important thing to remember here is to do only one thing at a time instead of trying to multitask. You can do that when you have mastered the art of productivity. Try to turn off any disturbances or distractions like email or social media messages. When you take a break, try to do some exercise, even if it’s just deep breathing or meditation – it will re-energize you and keep you motivated in completing the next task at hand.
You will become far more active, even at weekends, which is traditionally time to stay idle, and rest. You will start gradually to increase the time you dedicate to your personal projects. Instead of visualizing a business target or a chore as something “just to get through”, you will finally identify working on them as a way of life. You will have found a new way of life to empower you to grow personally and professionally.
Your determination to keep improving will increase more and more, and naturally, a desire to keep striving for personal progress will grow inside you, unleashing this way all your inner power and potential.
16. Stop Lying to Yourself
A common flaw in many people is to continuously keep telling themselves lies. We spoke in previous chapters about attributing blame that should be yours to the “external world”. How many lies can make up to avoid taking any responsibility?
If you keep telling yourself that X only happened because of Y without any kind of verification, then you are creating a narrative that is very easy to deal with. However in doing so you are digging yourself a whole which is nearly impossible to improve from.
Refusing to accept the truth on certain situations is going to lead you to develop a poor quality of response to any kind of setback or failure. There is nothing embarrassing or major with being wrong, making a mistake or failing – it happens to everyone, whether they are successful or a failure.
Making this Work
Lies are a defense mechanism. In order to break the circle of lying, identify your defense mechanisms and see why you are so scared to acknowledge the truth. Acknowledge your fears by self-introspection. Throughout the day, make conscious efforts to understand why you are compelling yourself into being someone you are not and when you are exaggerating your abilities and skills.
You are probably doing that because you want things to be a certain way. See if there is another way to do that, apart from lying your way through it. Set the bar a little high for your standards. It will take practice. Whenever you find that you are propelling yourself into lying, try to postpone the question or situation instead of giving an immediate answer which is not true.
You will foster a greater sense of self-confidence. You will be more in control. The reins of your life will be finally yours, instead of simply drifting away through your own existence. You will no longer act as if you were fragile and need to rely on half-truths to function properly.
When you stop concealing the truth, you have one less thing to worry about remembering. It takes the stress off of having to continue the act and to come up with new lies for the same. Lying every time is a lot of work and without your knowledge, it can damage your self-respect. Trying to see and accept the truth of things may not get you where you want to be immediately, but eventually, it will, and that is a sense of accomplishment.
17. Face Failure with Grace
As bad as not being able to face failure at all and making up lies about it is acting as a child when called out on your mistakes.
If you messed up and let yourself or other people down, then take responsibility for it. Hold your hands up and accept the criticism. The end result is that you will feel far more comfortable with whom you are.
Making this Work
Simply learn to listen and note down critique – it really is that simple. You might have a suspicion, or full-on proof, that someone else was at fault as well. But what if you were also at fault and can’t see it? Listen to the reasons and the supporting evidence for why you may be the one who caused the problems. You might just shock yourself with what you find out.
If you are at fault then accept it, don’t attempt bringing another down with you. If you have made a mistake, then accept it and rectify it.
One way to face failures with grace, is to openly address and admit it. There is no need to cover it up. It alright to fail and you can still move on but not without analyzing the root cause. That is what will give you the closure you need. It hurts, but it is not the end of everything. See what went wrong and take notes on how you can do better next time – don’t beat yourself about it. Instead of obsessing over one setback, learn from it and prepare yourself for the next challenge. Re-assert your faith in yourself and make a list of actionables that you would like to include or avoid the next time around.
Obsessing over one failure will only eat up your confidence and stagnate your life. When you move on, you will have the learning from the past failure and will also have developed some humbleness that keeps you from jumping into things and making thoughtful decisions the next time – and that way you are more likely to succeed.
18. Let Go
Learning to let things go is essential if you are to grow a strong personality, resilience and grit. The more you store up and hold against others, the more energy you will waste trying to hold that up and always retain that feeling.
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Simply let it drop – outside of the most grievous and harming insults, you should never let your hatred or dislike for someone make your day worse. Someone who is truly “gritty” does not need to walk around holding people responsible for everything that they say and do.
What’s the point? The best part of being mentally strong is that you can just remove these people from the equation. They stop being a concern for you the moment that you let go what they said or did. If you dislike the person permanently because of what happened, then just let them go – don’t hold that resentment.
You are wasting valuable energy that could be used more positively than hating someone!
Whatever happened, has already taken place and to let go is to start by acknowledging the fact that you cannot change it. One way to let go is to let it in and accept it. Remember that it doesn’t change anything about you or your life anymore and focus on what you actually desire and direct all your energies towards that instead of holding on to this one event. Focus on the future and repair yourself by directing yourself into productive or meaningful work. Get help from your friends and keep yourself motivated. There are many other things that you have always wanted. Focus on achieving those instead and motivate yourself with the rewards associated with them.
The best result is a happy, healthy mind capable of moving free of the usual trash our brain accumulates on a daily basis. Moving forward is the answer. By simply letting go you can leave behind old problems that would be wasting parts of your time and your emotions. You will be ready to use your energy and power for productive matters.
Your body can only handle so much, so don’t put more stress on your ability to handle stress by carrying around resentment and hatred for incidents from the past that have already reached a conclusion.
19. The Power of Thought
Always remember that, before taking action, the power of thought should always be invoked. We are at our most powerful when we are in command of our minds. That extra minute you take to think something through, can be the minute that changes the next years of your life.
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Using the power of thought is a simple thing – it means taking the chance to actually get involved in your decisions. One thing that you are likely to find out when looking at the world around you is that by simply taking a deep breath and a quick survey of what has happened in a particular moment, you can see more than just your own situation.
You might be about to enter a large scale disagreement with someone over their actions on a certain topic. But, taking out the problems that it may have caused you, what if it was to help someone else and you were an unintended consequence?
It’s easy to get angry about things that affect us, especially negative things. However, it’s not always the idea – the power of thought allows us to look at situations from more than just our own angle before reacting.
The mind is a wonderful slave – all you need to do is learn how to tame it. Thoughts become things – you get what you ask for. Use the technique of positive affirmations – create a vision board, or take out five minutes of your time to write down what you want. What matters is how to respond to life events. Instead of getting angry or upset about things try to use the positive power of your thoughts. It is no magic spell, but it will manifest itself into reality if you stick to the routine. Re-map your mind and accept whatever is. Use meditation and relaxation techniques for your overall well-being and to cultivate positive thoughts.
You will become more knowledgeable at seeing the reasons why people may have acted as they did – or why you acted as you did. This will allow you to handle better every situation and to react better.
Being able to look at the bigger picture and understanding that the information we perceive in a certain moment may not necessarily be complete, is essential. This way you will get used to thinking with a colder, analytical mind rather than letting yourself being carried away by emotion or the heat of the moment.
20. Learning from the Past
Experience is the most powerful tool we possess. Throughout life we deal with a large number of situations, people, personalities and feelings. The way we feel at every single moment in our lives, and the multiple outcomes of our actions shape our characters and make us weaker or stronger. With this in mind, your past can be a powerful teacher.
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Simply take the time to look back at similar situations you lived in the past to one that you find yourself in now. This may seem easy, however it is not. Many times we lie to ourselves and believe that “that particular occasion was different” Let’s say that your business has been hit with a large financial bill – in the past, you may have had the same problem or something similar you can relate with.
Well, did you deal with it then?
Did you survive?
Was it the endless mountain that you made it out to be at the time?
Grit comes from past experience. When you come up against a situation, even a new one, simply look to how you outlived certain issues and situations in the past for inspiration.
At the end of each day, dedicate some time to ponder over what you did in the entire day – if something went wrong, think about what you could have done to prevent it; if something went well, think about ways in which you could have done better. Focus on the things that help you perform better. Also focus on what others are doing and try to learn from their experiences as well. Always have an open mind and be willing to change and eager to learn new things. Make notes of what you learn and see where you can apply it.
Looking at the past will allow you to become far more resilient when you are dealing with issues. Not only is this going to make it much easier for you to see a path to success when facing a problem, but it also will make sure that you see opportunity where previously you only perceived difficulties.
If you use what you have experienced before to fuel your decision making this, you should come out victorious. Base your decisions using the experiences you have gone through before, and soon solutions will arise much easier!
21. Have a Vision
Regardless of where you are or how low you feel, having a vision can change everything. Having a vision gives us an end product to aim for. Even if we don’t have a clue on how to get there, it helps us getting over the days where we fail or don’t make any progress.
Moreover, a vision allows us to see the opportunity where others might only see the extinguished flame. Having a vision also means avoiding accepting defeat very easily. Rather, it leads you to seeing the reward of the success ahead.
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The easiest way to empower yourself with a genuine vision, comes from looking at where you want to be. You might want to run a company, help a community project, raise money for a charity, build a business or get into the best shape of your life. Whatever the path to getting there is does not matter – you just need to know what the end goal is.
The first step here is to have a well-defined and realistic goal. Be very clear and non-ambiguous about your goal. Now lay out a plan and list the things that you need to do and what you need to overcome or avoid in order to achieve your vision. Make a practical plan and do not set the bar too high. Define timelines and commit yourself to accomplishing each step that take you closer to your vision. At every step remind yourself of the rewards awaiting at the end of the whole journey. Have a well-built strategy to execute the plan in your mind. Always tell yourself why your vision is important.
Having a vision will give you a sense of purpose and is more important than setting goals. The goals are just steps in moving towards your vision. It creates objectivity and adds substance to your life. Without having a vision, you will not have any orientation or direction to your life. You do not have anything new to explore and will stagnate yourself to your comfort zone. Without a vision to pursue, there is no scope for learning or growth. Acquiring a new vision replenishes your sense of purpose, gives you a drive and is very important for your personal growth and development.
22. Be Positive
One of the most empowering and life changing feats is fostering and unbreakable positive attitude. Being positive is a challenge when you are failing or when you feel like you cannot go on anymore, but all it takes is a simple adjustment to the way you think.
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It has to be about visualizing a vision in the morning and repeating some sort of mantra.
Try to work on your resilience to develop a more positive attitude. Identify your strong suits and nurture those abilities. Keeping your focus on your strengths helps you develop a more positive attitude. Make a list of things you are good at. At the end of the day, make a list of the positive things that happened throughout the day and learn to be thankful about it. If there were any negative moments in your day, try to reframe them by looking at what you gained from it. If you are feeling negative anytime, try to recollect something positive.
Draw inspiration from others – everyone has had negative experiences, see how they moved past it to reach the place they are at today and tell yourself that you too will be fine. Better yet, tell yourself that you are in fact dong well. It creates a lot of positive energy when you bring what you want into your present state of being.
You will be able to envision the end result. You will be able to feel success even though you may have not attained it yet, but this vision will give you the tranquility that it is about time that you succeed on your goal. Whatever it is that you are aiming for in your life, repeating that goal in the morning helps to slowly create the visualization that you need to be a success and to feel genuinely happy with your position at present.
Being positive, then, means always saying ‘I will’ rather than ‘I may’ or ‘I could’. Telling yourself that it will happen is more constructive for building up grit and desire than thinking that it could be possible one day.
23. Don’t Be Realistic
One of the most disempowering thoughts you can foster when trying to grow strong and steel to your personality is being realistic. Why? Because being realistic today means one thing; looking at what you can achieve today, and today only.
If you are overweight and a chain smoker, for example, it’s very unrealistic to think about running a marathon in the future. However, if you remove the constraints of realism then you can find it much easier to get that desire you need to reach where you had intended originally.
It takes a lot of work and planning to get to this point, however. That by no means should put you off being willing to get involved and start working hard for your goal.
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Do you want to stop being realistic? Start looking at the success of others, even people far beyond any scope you could ever hope to reach. Lear about how they got there and the difficulties they endured to achieve success. This will stop you from looking only at the end result.
Someone said once that athletics finals should not be watched without seeing the athletes train for months and years. This is because by only seeing the end result we are not aware of the whole process. This is especially true in today´s society which is ruled by fast information where we are constantly flashed by images of success on social media and broadcast communication.
Imagination never bore fruit. What you need is to recognize your needs over your wants. Separate things that you actually want from the distractions. Attach intentions to your dreams. Do not get into extreme opinions or thinking and stay grounded. It is alright to be positive, but don’t push it too far. Create an action plan with reasonable timelines attached to it. Develop patience and understand that things take time. Be considerate and make fair judgements.
Before you take any step, pause for a while and think about the consequences – is this a good step in the direction of where you are headed? Whenever necessary, ask for help, no one can do it all by themselves – that’s why we have a whole ecosystem and communities. If there are failures, admit and accept them. Attach some emotion to your goal but not too much. Fight the urge to make things happen in a snap.
The result you will get from this is quite simple – You will feel far better about the level of performance that you will achieve a certain time. You will start giving more value to your process towards achieving your goals. Every step that gets you closer to it will allow you to understand this more, and sooner than later, you will look back and think: Wow! I never thought this would be possible.